How far can you talk about yourself? I have long thought that there was a narcissistic pleasure to speak of himself; between narcissistic and selfish, a thin line drawn by the education and moral my youth. Today, I think it is eminently altruistic care of yourself, it's a job we save and the other, which did not suit it is necessarily true because it would then be forced to care for himself, what he fears most.
Talking about yourself is first talking to itself . Do you know that the unconscious to that of inatendu he answered questions put to him? Ask her out loud for example: "What do you want most in life?". You hear his response if you agree not to reject the first proposal he makes you. Try again: "What do you want most in life?" ... What you say? ...
You've probably got something you were not expecting that you feel silly or against whom you fight. For my part, I heard the word "peace." My first reaction is to say: "It's really a response boat at odds with what I would consciously. I want action, movement, challenges.. " And yet if I drop the weapons are my desire, my desire for social conformity, my ambition ... basically it is what I aspire. "
Talking about oneself is also speak of self with others . In the model the "Johari Window" available information about us belong to four distinct areas:
- the area public : I know me and what others know also
- the blind area : What others are the only ones who know me
- the area hidden : I am the only one who knows myself
- the area known : what others and I do not know about me
Talking about yourself is to accept to visit our "blind zone" that is to hear what is said about us, discuss and integrate what makes sense. Hear does not mean acquiescing in what is expressed but wonder what is mine and what is the other world. He speaks of him or me? How it affects me on? What I want to recognize as part of me?
Talking about oneself is also revealing more or less or not at all our "hidden area". When I started writing to be read (naked !???), I always put at a distance. Saying "I" seemed even slightly pretentious and exhibitionist. I then understood in relation to another, especially when it is disembodied, there was an obligation to deliver something personal to create emotion and therefore the presence of the link you aware of people that reveal nothing of themselves? You only have access to their public area and you're never allowed to share their blind zone. In a purely technical communication is perfect, painless, but in a human communication that makes contact bland and boring.
The psychoanalyst Serge Tisseron * refers meanwhile, in a gradation of increasingly tight public space, private space, privacy and extimacy. The latter being the desire to communicate about their inner world both physically and mentally (at its peak in the biographies of strangers, television shows like "Big Brother ...). He wrote "The extimacy would be incomprehensible if it were only to" speak ". If people want to externalize certain elements of their life, it is to take ownership [...]. The desire to "extimacy" is actually in the service of creating a richer intimacy. "Now you know how to answer that surprises you to say too much of yourself.
Everyone can choose how far he wants to talk to him but also how far he can talk to him considering where he is, expectations that are hers, the limits of opening of its public and Vulnerability which he is able to enter. Sometimes you have to know not to say anything for granted and maintain the mystery may remain a mystery forever unsolved. On another occasion he must know a little more to open the doors of a genuine relationship.
"True intimacy is one that lets dream together different dreams"
Jacques Salome
* Intimacy overexposed Serge Tisseron
